random pics

I haven't been very good about getting new pictures on here. I keep trying to get mason to smile when I have the camera on him but right when I bring it in view, he becomes enthralled with the flash light and won't even pay attention to me. Here are some of my attempts. I have also posted a funny picture of Tylie hanging out in our room while I was getting ready the other day. Now, I know you are probably wondering why she is clinging to a blender; it is a legitimate question. To be honest I was wondering the same thing too. So I did what any mom would do, I asked her. When she replied I couldn't help but laugh. It was not so much what she said but how she said it. It is hard to portray a moment through writing (I try to leave that to my Journalist husband) but she said so matter-of-fact, like it was so common and shouldn't be questioned. I simply asked her why she was holding the blender and she said "Because mom, I can't find my doll." OH! GEEZ!!! What was I thinking??? Of course, it is only natural that she would get the blender. It's not like she has 50 other baby dolls in her toy room, or another 50 in her bedroom. That would be silly to get one of those. A blender is the obvious choice! ( I really hope you could sense my sarcasm in all that, I feel silly even putting this disclosure in here.) So, while other children are creating childhood memories with baby dolls and stuffed teddy bears, my daughter will continue her memories with a blender.

BYU Fan

When I was growing up, football was not even a remote part of my home or family life. As a kid, the most I knew about football was that it was the annoying thing on TV that kept popping up as my dad was surfing the channels looking for his "John Wayne" movie. I became a little more aware of the game when I started Bingham and there were games every Friday night. At that point, the games served as a perfect social scene which I rarely missed. I attended those games faithfully for 3 years but I probably watched about 3 minutes in the whole 3 years I went. I only cared that my friends were there and we were probably going to go get ice cream after. I was aware that Bingham players were out on the field, but to me it just seemed like they were a bunch of frustrated teen agers letting out some aggression and tackling eachother. I did not see any rhyme or reason to the game, nor did I care to learn. Then I met Jake and the choice was no longer mine. I married into a family that "bled blue" (a phrase I am now familiar with but originally thought that they were just trying to describe a bad bruise) and were season ticket holders since the dawn of time. As a matter of fact, my and Jake's first date was a BYU game and what an eye opener that was. Imagine going on a first date with someone you have only known for about a week. First dates are always a little scary and inevitably awkward no matter how hard you try. Now add in the facts that he takes you to a game that you know nothing about and actually somewhat despise because all of the football players you have known in the past were cocky pigs. AND.... as you are walking into the stadium, your date informs you that his entire family is there because they are avid BYU fans and have season tickets. (I still give Jake a hard time about this. It would have been nice to tell me these things on the phone when he asked me out. Somehow, these facts were left out.) So, there I am, sitting with his whole family, trying to impress them and not look like a complete goon but I don't have a clue what is going on. I don't know when to jump up and down in celebration or when to get upset. And then the worst part of it all. Cougars score and everybody gets to their feet and starts singing the fight song word for word as if it were a song on the Top 100 radio station that plays everyday and gets in your head and you can't get it out. I felt like a complete idiot. I sat there wishing I had paid closer attention to all of those Bingham games but what could I do. I just hoped they wouldn't notice what an uneducated fool I was in the arena of football.

Fast forward 8 years later. Yesterday was the infamous BYU vs. Utah rivalry game and the Hancock BYU party was at my house this year. Now, you are probably thinking that this is a day that I would dread, but ironically, it is a day that I had been looking forward to for quite some time. Since marrying Jake, I have become very fond of this crazy game of football. When we lived in California Jake would love to spend his Saturday afternoons watching college football and since we didn't have any family around and my idea of fun did not include wandering around LA by myself, I would sit down and watch it with him. Somewhere along the way I got sucked in to the excitement and that is when I was hooked. Now I am addicted. I find myself sitting on the couch screaming phrases like "quarterback sack" and "third and out". Phrases that might as well been Chinese 8 years ago. I love it though. I love talking about the game for days after with Jake. I love getting together with the family and feeling the emotion of the game surge through the room. And finally, I love that I now can proudly say, without any hesitation, I "bleed blue"!

P.S. Congrats to all you Ute fans out there. It was a tough game for us Cougars but you earned that win! We'll see you next year in Provo!

What happened???

Have you ever had one of those moments when you look around and wonder how in the heck you got to where you are that very moment. This happened to me the other day and I have been reeling from it ever since. I was driving up to my mom's the other day and Tylie was in the back seat going on and on about things that only Tylie could understand. I glanced in the rear view mirror and I saw this adorable little girl with pigtails smiling back at me. Then I realized that Mason had been cooing in his seat the whole time but I had been so busy listening to Tylie that I hadn't really heard him. That is when it hit me. A moment that I am bound to remember for a long time. I felt like I had warped through time I and was completely stunned that somehow along the way, I had aquired the "american dream" and I did not even realize it. In what seemed like a matter of moments, I had gotten married, had 2 children, built our first home, and became one of those mom's that drove their kids around in an SUV with the back seat full of diaper bags and car seats. It freaked me out! I swear that just the day before I was walking down the hallway at Bingham headed to choir class. At this time of year, we would be preparing for our annual "Candlelight" performance and my biggest stresses would be to make sure that I could stay awake through the rest of my classes until 3:00 when school got out and my day would be over. (How would it be to be done with your day at 3:00???) It truly was a strange moment. I would have sworn to you that someone had locked me in a time capsule and I was just waking up after someone else had lived my life for the past 8 years. I felt like I should introduce myself to Tylie because it just did not seem reasonable that I would have a two year old that called me mom. I felt like I was way to young to be in the situation that I was in. Oh, but then reality hit!!! I am turning 27 this year. The days of Bingham and easy living were long over. I do have 2 kids and a husband and all the responsiblilties of the average adult. It just always seemed like having my own family and owning my own home was an unattainable goal when I was younger. And then somewhere down the line, it just happened with out me realizing what was happening. Well, whatever steps it took to get me where I am, I am thrilled. But it is a crazy feeling to have those moments when you realize where you are in life. I wonder what kind of moment I am going to have when I am helping Tylie into her wedding dress or standing at the airport waving goodbye to Mason and he leaves on his mission. I can only hope that I am just as happy with my life as I am now.

Halloween

Here are a few pictures from Halloween. Tylie loved being Cinderella. She felt that it is only natural that she is a princess. With the way that her attitude has been lately, I started to think that she decided to permanently be a princess. Anyway, as you can tell from the pictures, Mason did not think that dressing up was much fun. It was a fun Halloween and now it is time to gear up for the holiday season.

Wonderful grandparents

I would like to take a few moments and pay homage to the wonderful grandparents in my children's lives. My Grandma and Grandpa Barfuss were up at my mom's the other day and Tylie somehow convinced them to play this silly game with her. They would balance a plastic plate on their head and then flip it off all together. It is a wonder why but Tylie thought that this was hilarious and just did it over and over again. I just laughed because only grandparents would play this game as long as they did and, on top of that, allow a picture to be taken so the moment would never be forgotten.

As I was driving home that night, I started to think to myself about how lucky Tylie and Mason are to have so many grandparents in their lives. All together, they have about 10 grandparents that are still alive. They have all made an effort to have a relationship with my kids and I hope that Tylie and Mason remember the time that they have with them. I know that many of their grandparents will never read this but I truly hope they know how much I appreciate all that they do for my kids. Thank you to Grandma and Grandpa Barfuss for all the special cards and never missing an important event. Thank you to Grandma Hancock for taking time to come visit at the hospital and our home. Out of so many grandchildren, you took time on your vacation to come see us and that means a lot. Thank you to Grandma and Grandpa Woodbury for tolerating Tylie's constant jabber when you come to visit, even when I know it gets old quickly. And finally, how can I say thank you enough to my and Jake's parents. Jake's mom has the patience of Job when it comes to grandkids and Jake's dad doesn't think twice about getting down with the kids and rolling around with them and becoming a human jungle gym. I am so grateful to my mom and her willingness to take the kids for me whenever something comes up. I think that she and tylie were made out of the same mold because they are attached at the hip and it is a stuggle to break them apart whenever we need to go home. Tylie has a special bond with her that it hard to deny. And my dad.... it has become a tradition that every time we leave their house, he carries out tylie and puts her in her car seat. Then he will stand there and jump up and down for tylie waving goodbye until we are out of sight. This has to happen or tylie thinks that something is wrong in the world because papa was not there for her. I know that it seems like a small thing but he will never know how much I love that. It will be forever impressed on my mind of him standing in the driveway, smiling as we drive away. I am so grateful for the lessons that they have all taugt me and now are teaching my children. I hope that I can always remember what a blessing it is to have them involved in our lives.

Back to the hospital I go

I just had a baby a little over a week ago which I am absolutely thrilled about but if you know anything about giving birth to a baby, you know that they poke and prod you at every angle possible in the hospital during and after the birth. As I was in labor this time, I felt like a lab rat because I had needles, tubes, and machines surrounding me monitoring every movement me or Mason made. I was so relieved when they finally took all those tubes and needles out. I felt human again. Well..... with all of that said, I guess I didn't get enough of tubes and needles because I am headed back to the hospital for surgery now. A week before I had Mason, I woke up with an excruciating pain and thought it was labor although the pain seemed higher on my stomach then I remember contractions being. I rushed to the hospital but when I got there, the pain had faded and they just looked at my like I was crazy and sent me home. I felt like a real idiot because I never wanted to be that woman that thought every minor pain meant labor and would rush to the hospital. Anyway, a few days after we got home from the hospital I woke up with the same excruciating pain and since Mason was sleeping soundly in his crib, I was pretty sure that it wasn't labor this time and something was wrong. To be honest, this pain far outweighed labor pains. I kept telling Jake that I would rather be in labor the deal with this pain. At least I got a baby out of the labor pain. Once again the pain faded but I had to figure out what this was because I couldn't deal with these attacks on a regular basis. I went to the doctor's and found out that I have multiple gall bladder stones and have to have my gall bladder out. I am not exactly thrilled about this but at least I know what it is and can get it taken care of. So, wish me luck. I am headed back to get poked and prodded a few more times and then hopefully I will be done for quite a while.

Mason is here!

YEAHHHHH!!!! My little Mason is finally here and I am no longer pregnant. As incredible as it is to have a baby inside of me and feel him grow and move, it is really nice to have my body back. Anyway, I went into the hospital on Thursday ( Oct 2nd ) to be induced. Mason was born at 4:30 in the afternoon. He was 8 lbs 3 ozs and 19 inches long. He has a lot of dark black hair and is much more mild and good tempered then Tylie was. We named him Mason Jacob Hancock. I am so excited to have this new sweet baby in our home but it is so strange to have a tiny baby again. I had completely forgotten what it is like to have a baby. Tylie seems huge now and so grown up. I absolutely love having Tylie right now though. She has been such a huge help. When I can't grab something because my hands are full, she is always right there to help me out. She loves feeling like she is a mommy too and she constantly reminds me that Mason is her baby. So, the Hancock clan has grown from 3 to 4 and we are just thrilled about it. I am off work on maternity leave so I will post as often as I can. I am sure that many posts will be focused on Tylie and Mason since they are what my world is revolving around right now. What can I say, I am just a mom that likes to brag about her amazing kids!

Too much control

I am at that point in my pregnancy where I have to go to the doctors weekly. I was at the doctors on friday and he informed me that he was going to be out of town on my due date so there is a good possibilty that he would miss the baby being born. He is going to be gone for 15 days so unless I want to hold out until he gets back (that is if the baby allows it), his partner would have to deliver the baby. Naturally I was diappointed because I have been with my doctor through this entire process and to have someone step in at the last minute that I don't even know is a little disheartning. Then he starts talking about inducing me. He said that he would have no problem inducing me because I am so close to my due date that this should not be a probem at all. Suddenly, Jake and I start whipping out cell phones and calendars trying to figure out what day would be the best. We are trying to work things out around school and work and when would be best for my mom to take Tylie. As I sat there planning a day that I would be celebrating with cake and ice cream for the rest of my life, I couldn't help but chuckle at us. What happened to the days of the woman waking up in the middle of the night because her water broke and her husband is frantically running around the bedroom throwing things in a bag and trying to find his keys and button his shirt at the same time. Jake still jokes with me about the night that we went in for Tylie to be induced. I had worked all day that day and I was scheduled to be at the hospital a few hours after I got off. I came home, got in the shower, shaved my legs, put on a fresh coat of make up, carefully packed my bag and made sure I had everything for Tylie, and headed out to the car. All the while, Jake was relaxing on the couch watching the opening ceremony of the Olympics until I was ready to go. AHHHH! As nice as all of this is, I can't help but wonder if we have just a little too much control over things sometimes. I don't want to complain because at least when I am induced, I don't have to go through those last miserable weeks wondering if today might be the day. I love being able to pick a date and know that I will officially be done as of that day. But I do feel a small bit of regret knowing that I might never know that frantic feeling of rushing to the hospital hoping that we will make it. Honestly, it is one of Jake's biggest fears that he will be in that situation and forget his way to the hospital. Maybe this is just the evil wife in me that thinks it would be kind of funny to watch Jake in that frantic state. It is not very often that Jake shows fear of anything, but I have a feeling that fear would be just one of the few emotions that he would show in those moments. Well, maybe this baby will decide to come before his "date" and all of my regrets will be quickly resolved and I will have a great story to blog about.

We Did It!

I know, I know. Two blog entries in less than a week. I am really out doing myself now! Erica, you should be proud of me. Normally pulling off one entry a month is quite the accomplishment but so much is going on in our lives right now that I feel another entry is justified.

Jake just graduated from BYU last friday with his Bachelor's degree. As I sat there in the audience watching him walk across the stage I could not help but beam with pride as tears filled my eyes. I try to blame all of the emotion on my pregnancy but, let's be honest, I would probably have tears running down my face if I was completely hormonally balanced. I just can't help myself. I thought about everything it took to get to that moment and it brings back a rush of memories. I remember the long nights of staying up with Jake, right after we got married, discussing if the move to California was really the right thing for us. I remember going with Jake for the first time to the campus at LACC and sitting under a palm tree waiting for him as he was taking a placement test to start school. I remember the excitement that I felt when we got the letter from BYU that he had been accepted and received a scholarship for his good grades. And finally reflecting about the late nights that he stayed up, long after Tylie and I had gone to bed, studying because he wasn't able to get his homework done that day because he was playing with Tylie and trying to maintain being a dad and a husband. I can't help but pat myself on the back for the great choice that I made the day that Jake proposed on the beach 5 years ago. He has guided our family with such determination that when I question, he moves forward without hesitance. I used to look at people that didn't have to go through the "school" experience when they got married and I was jealous. I was jealous because I thought that it would be so much easier is Jake already had his degree when we got married and we could get on with life. What an idiot I was then. I would not trade these experiences for the world. This was our way of "getting on with life." We learned how to lean on eachother, how to trust eachother, and how to work together to make even the craziest situations work out. Somehow we threw a daughter in the mix two years ago and things continue to flow as they should. I have to chuckle at myself because as I write this, it sounds like I am bidding the school life goodbye and moving to the next stage. Hahaha! I have only just begun. I have a feeling that the bachelor's degree with look like a game of "chutes and ladders" compared to law school. I know that law school will be difficult and we will struggle far worse then we have already had to. All I can say is "Bring it on!" But by the way I was in his graduation last week, those poor soles in law school graduation three years from now better bring their life jackets and paddles. I will flood the place out!

Being Young

My parents have over an acre of property and so with this acre, they get a water share (irrigation) to water that property with. I remember growing up with my dad and mom flooding our entire yard once a week in the summer so they wouldn't have to water until the following week. This was one of the highlights of my summer because it was like one giant acre sized swimming pool every week. The ditches were especially fun because they were deep enough that we could completely submerge our bodies and swim up and down them like a lap pool. Now, I know that this all sounds like fun and games but for those of you who do not know what irrigation water entails, let me just tell you that not even a petri dish the size of Texas could hold all of the germs and diseases that festered in that water. I remember on numerous occasions dodging a cow pie or sheep "droppings" as they floated by. Back then I just figured as long as I did not touch them, I had nothing to worry about. Now that I have officially grossed everyone out, let me get to my point. A short time ago we were up at my mom's house when the irrigation came in. Tylie immediately took on the mentality that I had so long ago and when bounding right into that nasty cess pool. Being her mom, I naturally freaked out. I tried to stop her but what do I do when Jake rips off his shoes and starts dancing in it with her? Before I knew it, my little girl was stripped down to her panties, sopping wet, and treating the grass like one giant slip and slide. All I could do was sit on the porch and picture the round of vaccinations the doctor was going to have to administer to save her from this experience. My mom sat there and laughed like there was nothing wrong in the world. Well, what did I expect. She was crazy enough to let all of us romp around in that nasty water, why would she stop with her granddaughter? Then she calmly reminded me of an experience that my sister Brittany had a short time ago in one of her college classes. Brittany is going into the medical field and one day her teacher was talking about immune systems and how they work. She questioned the class about how often they got sick and asked them to raise thier hands accordingly. Brittany was one of the very few that got to raise her hand that she rarely got sick. Her teacher then asked if any of them had grown up on a farm. Brittany stated that she had and then recited some of her experiences, one of which included our regular swims in the irrigation. Her teacher told her that because she was exposed to germs early on in her life, her body was able to build up a strong immune system and that is why she does not get sick very often. Now, I am certainly not suggesting that every one should go out and start finding cow pies to play frisbee with but I have to check myself every once in a while. I have to remember that it is ok for Tylie to get a little dirty sometimes and she is going to go through some experiences that I might freak out about but it is really ok. I used to fault my mom and tell her that she should have been more careful with us. Sometimes I look back on my childhood and wonder how it is that I am still alive to reflect on those experiences. Sorry mom! I now understand that you were just letting us be kids and enjoy our childhood while it lasted. Besides, how boring would family reunions be if we could not all sit around a table and bring up those stories and laugh until our stomachs hurt?

Enjoy the ride

Tylie has really gotten into singing and dancing lately. It is not unusual for me to walk into her room and hear her singing "I love to see the temple" to herself or dancing to the credits of her favorite cartoons. As a mom, it is hard to get ready in the morning because Tylie wakes up and wants to play. I have found that I can turn on CMT in the morning and Tylie will dance to the music videos while I finish getting ready. There is this song out right now about a girl that is anxious to move on to the next phase in life and her parents keep telling her to slow down and enjoy the time that she has. The main lines in the chorus is "Your gonna miss this, your gonna want this back, your gonna wish these days didn't go by so fast." I have heard this song a million times but yesterday it hit me. I stopped for a minute and watched Ty as she was dancing all over my living room and begging me to watch her. I looked around my messy house and grinned at all the toys strewn across the floor and Jake's school books blanketing my kitchen table. Usually at this moment in my day, I would sigh at what a mess it was and tally up in my head how long it is going to take me to get everything cleaned up, Tylie dressed, and get myself off to work at a reasonable time. Yesterday was different though. I am going to miss this. I am going to miss everything about this time in my life. My one regret about California is that I didn't fully enjoy the time that I was there. It was always in the back of my mind that we would eventually move back to Utah and I was just biding my time in that moment came. With law school coming up I find myself in the same mind set. Looking ahead of what's to come but not looking around and enjoying the moment that I am in. As I type this, Tylie is lying on my chest with a clump of my hair in her hand. She is gently stroking my hair across her face as she does every night right before she fades off to sleep. How can I not just pray for this to never end? I am going to miss these times, I don't doubt that. I just hope that I revel in these moments enough that I won't regret them when they are gone.

No more self pity for me!!!

I am six months along in my pregnancy and the "weight" of the situation is really starting to kick in. I have really stuggled with this baby because it has been so different from my first. With Tylie, I never had to even buy maternity clothing. I carried her so high that all of my clothes were able to pull over her and all I had to deal with was a few stretched out shirts in the end. This one on the other hand has me in maternity clothes at 5 months and I feel like I am carrying him everywhere! I look down at my stomach and wonder if the doctor did not make a mistake on my due date. I feel I should be delivering in a couple of weeks. I know that many people out there think that being pregnant is beautiful and you have a "glow" that you would not have any other time. I just cannot seem to grasp this concept. Everytime I look in the mirror, "beautiful" is far from the first thing that comes to my mind. I have been feeling sorry for myself because I feel huge and it seems like baby boys run big in the Hancock side of the family. Jake has reminded me on several occasions that both him and his dad were well over 10 pounds when they were born. A short time ago Jake's grandma was up visiting from Arizona and I was able to sit down and talk to her for a while. Now, this woman is nothing short of a miracle in my eyes. Not only did she have 14 children and managed to raise them all to be productive adults, she talks about her child rearing years like they were no big deal and she would have been bored if she didn't have 14 little ones to chase around. Jake's grandpa died over 10 years ago and so the conversation often wonders to him and what he was like and how much she misses him. She sat there for about 2 hours telling Jake and I stories about life "back then". She recited memories of Jake's grandpa tearing his leg wide open, walking in the house and pouring table salt in the wound, wrapping it up, and heading back out the door to finish the chores. WHAT!!!!!! I hear these stories and wonder why it is I have to whine to Jake when I have a canker sore and he talks me into sprinkling some salt on it to heal it. Then I look to my side of the family and look at my grandpa who is well over 80 but could beat me in a foot race any day of the week. My grandpa grew up in conditions that most people would call child services on today because he had to share a room, and bed, with all his brothers just to stay warm at night. He got a job at a very young age earning nothing more then a dime caring for the cemetery in his town. He did this because his family needed help and that was a way he could contribute. I hear all of these things and I can't help but feel guilty that I am whining about it being over 78 degrees in my house and how I hate to in the mirror because my stomach is sticking out at every angle known to man. So, here I am. I am going to do better and not take for granted everything I enjoy on a daily basis. I want to be able to brag to my grandkids about how I had to share a room with my sister my whole life and how my parents expected me to get a job to pay for my first car. I want them to hear my "good ole days" stories and really admire me for my attitude and how I took life for what it was and enjoyed the ride all along the way.

A BOY!!!

Five months has flown by and last Thursday I found myself walking into the hospital to get the infamous 20 week ultrasound. Now, Brittany has explained to me many times that they look for all sorts of things when they do this ultrasound but let's be honest- all I really want to know is one thing, boy or girl??? I have had several coworkers encourage me not to find out, they try to convince me that it will be funner that way. YEAH RIGHT!!! I am not one of those people that have the patience or tolerance to wait. I lose a sense of control if I don't know and I just can't handle that. The many weeks that preceeded this visit had many thoughts running through my head. I want a boy simply because I already have a girl and I would love to have a boy for Jake to wrestle with and do whatever it is that boys do. BUT- I love having a girl!!! She is so much fun to dress up and it is a comfort level for me. I have a girl so I know what to expect. I have been there so I wouldn't have any surprises. I wish I had that mothers instinct that everyone talks about and could sense that gender of the baby but I don't. I had no clue. I had decided that I would be happy either way (obviously) but I would like to have a boy just to have the pressure off. As I watched the girl do my ultrasound I started to get nervous. My mind started spinning and I started having second thoughts about the whole thing. And then she said it- A BOY! OH CRAP! I don't know what to do with a boy. I looked over and saw Jake beaming like a kid at Christmas but my heart started thumping and I found myself hoping that she saw it wrong. I am afraid of boys. I don't have anything for a boy- everything I own for a baby is pink! Now that it is 4 days later, my breathing has adjusted and I am ok again. I am going to chalk up my roller coaster emotions to the pregnancy but right now I am feeling good about having a boy. I didn't have a clue what to do with Tylie but I have been ok. It will be the same with this one. Now I just have one more problem- a name. This is one thing that Jake and I cannot seem to agree on. I have 4 months- let's see what we can come up with.

The things we give up as parents

I remember the days before I got married. The days that I lived with 3 other girls and we came and did as we pleased when we pleased. I didn't have to answer to anyone and nobody had to answer to me. This was a true sense of freedom. I gladly gave up this freedom to marry Jake 4 years ago. Things didn't change much. I was still able to do as I pleased but now I was often with the person I wanted to do things with. What a concept, living with your best friend! It was awsome living in California. Jake and I got to hang out with friends, go to amusement parks, and then we just got to go home together. I didn't ever have to say goodbye. And then......... Tylie enters the scene. Today was Jake's birthday and Tylie and I made him a cake as we usually do. Tylie seemed to struggle with this birthday though. It has been 3 months since tylie's birthday but she still thinks that anytime cake and balloons are present, it is HER birthday again. She couldn't comprehend that Jake could have a birthday to. She kept telling me it was her birthday and she would sporadically break out singing "Happy Birthday" to herself. When it came to cake time I kept trying to tell her that it was daddy's cake and not hers. But, my husband being the wonderful father that he is, lifted her up on his lap and let her blow out all of his candles. Tylie has taken over everything and nothing is our own anymore. Not even something as personal as a birthday is ours anymore. But I can, on the other hand, think of numerous times that we lie there and talk about all the funny and cute things that tylie did that day. I can't imagine our life without that crazy little girl. It is true that she turned our world upside down the day that she came into this world. She changed us individually as well as a couple. But I have never regretted a day of it. Tylie will continue to take everything that we have and we will continue to gladly give her all we got. It seems strange that as a human I can give everything I have and never feel resentment towards her. It is times like this that I recognize Heavenly Father in my life. Only divinity can cause parents to feel the way they do towards their children!

Any Suggestions???

I am not one of those lucky women that don't have to deal with morning sickness and sail right through the first 3 months. No, no- I am one of those women who have "all day sickness" instead of "morning sickness" so I am really taken down for a while when I get pregnant. I have moved past all of that but I am afraid a residue remains that I am not quite sure how to fix. Tylie had to learn that I was sick for that time and was not able to play with her like I normally did. I tried to explian to her that the "baby" was trying to grow and it was making mommy sick. Well, this backfired on me in a way that I would have never imagined. The other day, I got home from work and was laying on the couch for a minute before I got up to make dinner. Tylie walked over and said "mommy, what doing?". I told her that I just needed to take a rest for minute. Then she proceeded to lift up my shirt, get a mean look on her face, and said "Baby naughty, I pinch baby." She attacked my stomach and kept repeating that she needed to pinch the baby. Now whenever I lay down for a minute she thinks that the baby is making me sick and she needs to get mad at the baby. She has gone so far now and biting my stomach and telling me "I bite baby!" Now, at first this is funny but I am worried that she is going to have a mean attitude with the baby when the baby is born. Jake's sister recently had a baby and Tylie was over visiting them the other day. Jake said that she loves to hold the baby and is really cute with him. I hope this is how she will be but I can't help but be nervous. Any suggestions??? How do I fix this?

Reflection

Today was fast and testimony meeting in church and I felt like I wanted to stand and share my feelings but I am ashamed to say that I let time tick away and I never got up. I do want to share some of my feelings though because I get strength when I can publicly express things. This past year has brought many changes and will bring many more changes as the year progresses. With a change in careers, Jake graduating from BYU and starting his new career, and a new baby in the way (yes, we are expecting in October), our lives are going to change yet again. Usually I am the type the resists change at all costs but as all these new events gradually approach, I am strangly calm about it all. I find myself not worried or stressed even though our world is about to be turned upside down. As I reflect on my feelings, I realize that I have finally learned a lesson that my Father in Heaven has been trying to teach me for a long time.When Jake and I got married my mouth was full of cankers from all of the stress and uncertainty I was feeling. I was unsure of what the future would hold and I struggled because I was used to being very much in control with what I did with my own life. All of these feeling returned few months later as Jake and I left everything behind and moved to California to a new life. We didn't have a job or any income, we weren't for sure where Jake was going to go to school, we found an apartment and finalized everything just a few days before we left, and we did not know a soul in the place that we were moving to. A leap of faith is a very mild description for what we were doing. But as I have mentioned before, Jake felt that this was the right move for us so I reluctantly followed. And yet again, change came for me when Tylie was born, Jake graduated from LACC, and we moved back to Utah to buy a home and start school at BYU. All of these times I felt like my life was spinning out of control and I was just praying for a miracle that somehow it would all turn out ok. It is so evident to me how the Lord was with us through all of these times and looking at it from hindsight, I feel foolish for stressing the way I did. All of those times, things worked out just as they should and I gained experiences through those trials that I wouldn't trade for anything. As I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face, I can say that I am so grateful that I can see now what I didn't see then. And I know that I don't have to worry about the changes that are approaching. The Lord will, as he has everytime before, watch over my little family and we will end up right where we are supposed to be, right where He wants us. It is such a comfort to know that in those times that I don't know where the road will turn next, that I can place my family in the hands of the Lord and he will guide us where we need to go. I am often a very stubborn person who takes a long time to learn things but I have finally learned this. No need to stress, place yourself in the hands of the Lord and he will take care of the rest.

California (sigh)

So I was interviewing a man for a loan the other day and when I asked for his ID, he pulled out a California driver's license. Naturally I can't help but ask him what part of California he lived in and I mention that I lived there a few years ago before moving back to Utah. All he could say was "I am sorry you had to deal with that dreadful place. Weren't you glad to get out of there?" Well, quite frankly I was heart broken the day we left and I sat there in shock as he went on about the usual complaints about California ( too many people, the thick smog, the outrageous housing prices, blah, blah, blah). So, I apologize but tonight I feel I must defend my adopted state of California and point out a few things. There is a reason why there are so many people, why the smog is so thick you can cut through it with a knife, and why Hollywood's "A" list celebrities continue to buy up the real estate like it is the next craze on Oprah's "favorite things" list. I hope I don't offend anyone here but you don't see Wyoming or South Dakota struggling with there air quality lately, do you? It is because California is so beautiful and the weather cannot be beat. There are also many more things that you might never get to experience unless you live there. So, I have put together a "top ten" list for those of you out there who think that California is such a "dreadful" place.

10- Attending the famous Dodger games and enjoying the view you get from the parking lot of all of downtown LA after the game.

9- Shopping at the Fashion District. This can seem life threatening at first because it is in a ghetto downtown alley where if you don't speak spanish you are going to have a rough day. But after your first visit of finding all the fake purses and jewelry you can stand, you will be begging for more.

8- Taking walks in January with just a jacket (if that) and feel the warm sun of you back.

7- Going to all the free movie critiques before they come out. It doesn't get much better then seeing a movie before it is even released and for free!

6- Tylie being born in beautiful Cali. Now she can stand up in school and state that she was born out of the state- by Disneyland! (I was always jealous of those kids. I had never left the state, let alone live somewhere like California.)

5- The phone calls home to Utah as I am driving home from work. I would listen to my mom talk about the terrible snow storm the were having and I would just look around and see some bank sign read that is was 72 degrees.

4- Being able to wake up on a Saturday morning and decide that we wanted to spend the day at Six Flags. We would go and ride a few roller coasters and then go home. We were never concerned about missing a ride because we knew we could go back the following weekend on our summer pass.

3- The gorgeus purple flowers that would fall off the trees in the spring and line the roads. It would feel like something out of the Wizard of Oz as you drove through them. I almost felt like I was violating some art or painting by driving on the road.

2- Strolling through the weekly farmers market. AAHHHH! I just can't say enough about this. There is nothing like getting fresh produce and flowers from the farmer's market. We would buy strawberries that resembled apples, oranges that I swear were injected with sugar, and sour dough bread that turned into an addicition for me. Now I am really starting to miss that place!!!

1- And the number one thing about California (this is for Jake)- Going to the beach every weekend with our friends to go boogie boarding. Jake loved this more then anything else and he got to be very good at it. We had a blast with several couples every weekend. We would pack our coolers and snack on sold cut sandwiches and golf ball size grapes all day.

Now I am not unrealistic. I took plenty of turns sitting in LA traffic, groaning as I got pushed around in the LA subway by all the people, and laughing as Jake and I would pick up a house flyer and see the price for a 100 year old home. And I am not claiming that I wanted to move there or was even excited about the idea. To be honest, Jake pretty much drug me there kicking and screaming. But when I am wrong I will admit it. Jake was right on this one. Moving to California was the right move for us and I will never regret it. Some of my most fond memories of Jake and I together are there and will always be there. And because of this, California will hold a soft spot in my heart for as long as I live. Take it from me, California has it's problems for a reason. It is because everyone wants to be there and nobody wants to leave.

My New/Old Job

Due to the recent economy disaster the nation is going through, real estate has taken a dive and Jake and I have abandoned ship along with thousands of other agents across this great nation. I am maintaining my license so I can still do buisness if it ever presents itself but we are no longer going to make that our main career. Soooo, since Jake does not graduate until August, I started back at good old America First Credit Union as a loan officer. It is quite a strange thing working at a place, quitting, and then returning to the same job several years later. Many things change but many things stay the same. I was in a very different time of life when I last worked there. Jake and I had only been married for 6 months, Tylie was only a figment of my imagination, and I was still very immature and learning what it was like to be a responsible, married adult. Since I have returned, I have seen many of my old co-workers that I was very close to. They all ask me how "married" life is treating me as if I am still a newly wed. They all ask if Jake has decided on a major as if he just started school and is still trying to figure out what to do in life. It is surreal because I feel like I step into a time capsule each day I go to work. I love what I do and I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else but I can't help but step into my old life. It is a strange phenomenon that I am trying to get used to but I am hoping with time a I can place a new stamp of my new life. The life that I am 5 years older, 4 years into marriage, a happy mom of an adorable daughter, and much more experienced on the world. But then again, I won't take what I have for granted. Not everyone gets to step in a time capsule and go back 4 years in time. Maybe I will just enjoy it while it lasts.

Two already????

Tylie just turned two a couple of weeks ago. I was watching her play the other day and it suddenly brought me to a stark realization. She sings nursery songs, tries to dress herself, and can carry on a full blown conversation with grandma on the phone with me a room away. When did all of this happen??? I have struggled with the fact that Tylie is not my newborn anymore. I got used to the idea of being a "new" mom and now my baby is two. What now??? Well the natural response for most is that it is time for another one. My instinct says that this is right but I am very aware of what is in store for me now. My next one will grow up just as Tylie has and I will find myself thinking that I need another baby again. Where does the cycle end? I always laughed at my mom when she would cry at every little recital or graduation. Honestly, I just thought my mom was overly emotional. Now I know what she was thinking all of those times. I really don't know if I am ready for Tylie to take on this world. I am so afraid of her being hurt by someone and it will be a hurt that I can't just put a bandaid on and make it all better. I spend my life right now making sure that she won't get cold, hungry, tired, or hurt. As she grows up I am expected to let these things go a little at a time and let her learn to take these things on herself. Being a parent is much more emotional work that it is physical work. And the cycle will go on. I guess it is all just a learning process that we are supposed to go through in this life. But I can't help but sit here and watch Tylie and wonder what knid of emotional motherhood did I sign up for?

"Mom, Tickle back"

I think that I have created a vicious cycle. Ever since I have been married, I have often begged Jake to tickle my back. I have never been one that likes the "deep tissue massage". It hurts to much and is simply not relaxing. As I was growing up, my mom would tickle my back and arms when we were just hanging out watching TV or sitting in church. I didn't realize how much I loved it until I got married and moved away. Since becoming a mom, I have found myself tickling Tylie's back and I didn't even realize I was doing it. Tylie has started waking up at night from nightmares and I has been calling me in to comfort her this last week. A couple of nights ago, as I was stroking her hair trying to get her to go back to sleep, she flipped over on her tummy and whispered "mom, tickle back". As I giggled to myself in the dark, I wondered what I have done. I am afraid that I have doomed some little boy out there that will one day marry tylie. He does not know the cycle that I have created but one day soon after his wedding day, he will be lying in bed and Tylie will flip over and whisper "Honey, tickle back".

Here we go!

I decided to finally join the world of computerized scrapbooks and start a blog. My first experience with a blog was when my friend from California started one and has been doing it for years now. I thought it was a cute idea but never had much interest in it. That is until I opened my eyes and looked around. I was looking at one of my neighbors blogs that she had just set up, and I realized that I was the ONLY one in the neighborhood without a blog. I continued to put it off but when my grandma started a blog, I figured it was time. I must admit that I am nervous about this. I am a terrible scrapbooker (as jake will testify) and I am afraid of failing at this too. I guess I will just have to suck it up and see where this goes. I hope that Jake will help me with this since he is the writer of the family, but I am not counting on it. I will do my best and who knows, if this all turns out ok, I might take on the world of real scrapbooking next year.