Note to self:

Dear Self,

You really need to understand that you are not a crafty person. You were not born with the innate ability to create darling little items to delicately place on the mantle. Please stop trying! Leave it to others who's natural calling in life is to create. It is your calling to support them in their talents and purchase their overpriced painted 2x4's for a ridiculous price. Every year when "Super Saturday" comes around you make the same mistake. You grab the pen nestled so neatly on that clipboard and start signing up as if you were simply placing an order at a fast food window. You ALWAYS forget that you have to actually do something to get the product that is pictured on the page. It never fails that when you show up on the morning of the activity, you are inevitably overwhelmed when the reality of what you signed up for hits you. Beads of sweat start to pour down your face when they place the stack of raw lumber in front of you, hand you a paint brush, smile sympathetically at you (because they know your crafting ability) and shake their head as they walk away. Your friends can't help but laugh as you sit there with paint from your head to your toenails and fresh splots of "modge podge" on your brand new pants. You know that your husband is expecting you home within about an hour but there you sit, four hours later, with only one project done and three to go! You cringe everytime your cell phone starts to sing because you know there is a baby at home waiting for you but the option of taking your things home and finishing there simply does not exist for you. You do not own one bottle of paint and the only tools or sandpaper around are the ones resting in Jake's large tool box in the garage. You begin to feel like a real fool when you look around and realize you are the only one left at the table surrounded by cute little finished blocks waiting to dry so they can be taken home and set next to all the other adorable frames that your friends have on their shelves. You look at your own unfinished blocks and wonder to yourself how it is possible that you could botch up something that was precut, prestamped, and vinyl lettering. You know that you will eventually give up, make up some excuse that your husband will kill you if you don't hurry home, and then slump out of the cultural hall with and armload of unfinished wood that will be set on a sad shelf of unfinished projects to laugh about at a later date. Why do you do this to yourself? Why can't you just go and eat and socialize while the rest of the talented women do what they are best at? This can't be good for your self esteem. So next year, when that cute little clipboards ends up in your lap, leave the pen alone and pass it on! It will save at tree, save others for feeling sorry for you, save you money, and save yourself a whole lot of shelf room because that spot designated for unfinished projects is just about filled!