Friday, April 3, 2009

When is it going to be over?

My alarm went off at 6:00 this morning shattering the silence that was so peacefully resting over my house but it didn't matter. I was already awake. I had been awake for a few hours feeling like I had a touch of the flu and tossing and turning wishing I could go back to sleep before Mason woke up and wanted to be fed. I knew that I had a really long day at work ahead of me and I knew that I would never make it feeling the way I did so I climbed out of bed without hitting the snooze button and turned on my jet tub. I soaked for about 20 minutes hoping that I would be able to rinse away whatever sickness I was feeling and my day would go on an upward swing. All I got was a downward spiral. I had to take a test at work, present a training at a staff meeting, and act like I was feeling great through it all. Nothing turned out the way I wanted it to and I quickly became ornery and didn't want to talk to anyone. Isn't it ironic that just yesterday I was talking about being a strong powerful woman and today all I felt like was a weak and whiny little girl. So here I sit in my all too quite house all by myself. Just me and the keyboard. Jake is at work chasing after a breaking story about a little boy that was abducted so I can't call him right now. An unhappy wife on the phone does not go well with a buzzing crime scene. Tylie and Mason are tucked nice and warm in their beds after a long day of playing at grandma's house. I am lonely tonight. I want to go to sleep but my mind keeps racing and will not let my eyelids win the battle that allows me to drift into a thoughtless sleep. That is all I want right now. I just want to forget what happened today. I don't want to think about it. I want Jake to come and home make his nightly pina colada drink and tell me about his night at work. Come to think of it though, maybe things aren't that bad. Maybe I should quit looking at all the crap that happened today. After all, I did get to rock Mason to sleep tonight and he fell asleep in my arms with a little grin on his face. I did get to watch my dad chase Tylie around their island tonight playing tag as she giggled uncontrollably. And I know that I will have a husband that is going to be home in about an hour and will crawl in bed with me and I don't have to sleep alone tonight. No, I guess things really aren't as bad as I think they are right now. Nope, they really aren't bad at all.

2 comments:

Erica said...

I'm sorry you weren't feeling well! I hope that upswing starts for you as soon as you get that good night's rest (which always makes SUCH a difference!).

judd and ash said...

Cute post...I have had a few of those days myself, and then you realize how truly blessed you are and whatever happened that day, no matter how crappy you feel it doesn't matter:)
hope you feel better...
ash