heart wrenching lesson

Living up to my true "blog stalker" style, I was checking all my regular blogs yesterday when my friend at work started to talk to me about a particular blog she had found. She told me it was heart breaking but that I should check it out. I typed in the address not really ready for the emotional spiral I was about to slide down. "Heart breaking", as my friend so simply put it, did not even begin to describe it. The blog is written by a mom who lost her little girl in May last year from choking on a piece of an apple. Her little girl was a month away from turning two and they were just getting out of church one Sunday when it happened. I found myself going all the way back to when Lucy died and reliving the whole experience with her. It is the saddest thing I have ever read and before I knew it I had tears streaming down my face praying that her next entry would be a better day and she could feel joy again. She is such an eloquent writer and I could just feel her grief pouring out of the computer as she described trying to accept what happened and learn to cling to her Savior and the knowledge that she will see her again. It got so emotional for me as I was reading about when she told Lucy goodbye for the last time that I had to remind myself to breathe and then I had to turn it off for awhile to get a grip on myself. I found myself imagining having to kiss Tylie or Mason one last time and knowing I would never get to wrap them in my earthly arms again. The meer thought of it makes my heart stop. I couldn't forget about her all day and I kept thinking that if I am feeling this way by simply reading what she wrote, somebody that has never met her in my life, how must she feel everyday trying to move on? I couldn't sleep last night because I realized that this is my greatest fear. I have stupid fears of heights, dogs, and drowning but none of that compares to the fear that I have of losing Jake or one of my kids. It is something that I don't know if I could ever recover from. I understand that we are only given the trials that we can handle and that is probably why I haven't been given that trial but it really rocks me to the core when I see someone having to live out my worst nightmare. The only thing I can get out of this experience is to be grateful. I look around and get really frustrated with the economy and the way the world is but in the end none of that matters because I have my family and no bank or creditor can ever take that away from me. Last night after I put Tylie to bed I snuggled down to read my book before I turned in for the night. About 20 minutes later, tylie was standing in my doorway asking me if she could sleep in my bed until daddy got home. Normally this would make me grumble a little bit and I would chase her back to bed but last night was different. As I looked into her sweet face I realized that someone in Park City would give their entire world if they could have their little girl beg to sleep in their bed. She would cling to every word that spilled out of Lucy's mouth and scoop her up as fast as she could get to her. It made me very grateful and humble. I am going to do better. I am not going to let this crazy world get to me. I am going to look around at what I have a little more often, and I am going to be grateful.

The web address for this blog is http://www.jacksonparkcity.blogspot.com/. I am warning you ahead of time before you go there. It is tough to read but once you start you won't be able to stop. Let me know what you think if any of you dare to go there.

Hilarious

I know, 2 posts in 2 days! I am really out doing myself. Well, you know me, I am either hot or cold. I get on a kick and then I completely break from it for a long time. Anyway, Jake was lying on our bed the other night reading the newspaper as I was playing with Mason and Tylie was jumping on the bed not paying attention to anything particular. As Jake laid down one section and picked up another, Tylie grabbed the one he had just been looking at and ripped it open again. "Look Dad," she exclaimed, "it's 'Omabama'!!!" What???? Jake looked at me with eyes as big as grapefruits in complete disbelief. I asked her to show me and sure enough she brought me the paper and there was a small picture of Obama talking to Hilary. Now I am like any other parent and like to think that my child is some kind of Einstein child but I never imagined that she knew who Obama was. Jake and I try to keep up with the world and we often watch Fox News at night but I guess we watched it more then we realized. I asked Tylie who 'Omabama' was and she simply said " he is on TV". OH!! Of course. "What does he do?" I asked her. "He talks a lot." Well, even at three years old, she has politicians all figured out!

The Blog Stalker

Tylie turned three in February!

I have something to confess, I am a blog stalker. I have had a hard time accepting this fact because it can be quite embarassing but you know what they say, acceptance is the key. So here I am accepting it, admitting it, and moving on. I tried to fight it off but with the way the economy has been lately, I do not have a lot of loans going on at work right now so I find myself with a lot of downtime and a computer in front of my face. I will start out with some of my family and friends to see what they are up to. Then I find myself looking at their friends and will often find someone I know and click on their blog. The next thing I know, I have strayed so far that I don't even know the people that I am looking at and I am just scrolling randomly down the screen looking at cute kids riding their bikes for the first time or pictures of ultra sounds for babies that are on the way. I know, I am weird. I don't know why I do this. It is probably the same reason that I love reality TV, I am fascinated with people ( and yes I am aware that reality TV is not 100% reality- Jake has drilled that into me). Anyway, so I figure that if I am going to look at others blogs, I should probably give other people something to look at. I just want to share some quick thoughts for those blogs that I enjoy to read. Erica, your kids get cuter by the day. I truly think that Jordan and Dylan should be models for Calvin Kline when they grow up. They are just gorgeus- not to mention hilarious. Val, your babies bedroom is turning out beautifully. I am truly impressed! I had not idea you were so talented. I wish you were around to help me with Mason's room. He is 5 months old and I still haven't figured out what I want to do with his room yet. Melanie- congrats on the baby. That is so exciting! I am sure that you will be able to handle four without a hitch. And last, Kari- it has been too long and me and Jake need to get down there. We will soon. I can't believe how much Ethan and Garrison have changed since I saw them around Christmas. Ethan really is not a little boy anymore. And good luck with Garrison, he sounds like a mini Brady. I hope that everyone is well out there. I feel so close to all of you as I read your blogs but it is weird that I never talk to you. Well..... until next time.... I will follow you all close and try to maintain my new found identity as a blog stalker!

I DID IT!

I am so proud of myself. I finally got the pictures off my camera and on to the computer. Now it is time for a really emabarrassing admission and I hope somebody can help me on this. I feel really stupid but everytime I load pictures on and then I want to put little captions beneath them but I can't seem to figure out how to do it. I know it is probably one of the most simple things to accomplish but I can't get it. Can somebody please help me?

Anyway, life is good. Mason was blessed a couple of weeks ago and continues to get bigger every day. I bought his blessing outfit in a size 6 months and I barely squeezed him into it. I keep questioning if it is ok that my 3 month old wears 6 month clothing. Then I started to pay attention to the pounds that these clothing makers say 3 and 6 months old should wear. Now, don't get me wrong. I am aware that my little mason is a beefy kid so I am not trying to fool myself into thinking all babies are like mason, BUT I just do not think that most babies are 10 lbs at 3 months old. I think that Osh Kosh and Carters need a reality check and need some size adjustments so mothers like me don't get a complex over thinking they have an obese baby. Climbing off my soap box, I can now continue. Tylie is rapidly approaching 3. Jake and I keep looking at her waltzing around the house and wonder how in the world she got to 3 already. It is a strange thing that I am not comprehending. She has done so many funny things lately but by the time I get around to blogging, it is old news and I don't get it on here. Man, I really need to work on this blogging thing. I will make it a goal to blog once a week. Maybe I can do it every tuesday night right after American Idol while Jake is still at work. I would try to do it while watching American Idol but let's be honest, they would be pretty boring blogs because all of my attention would go to the crazy people that think that can sing but, in reality, can't carry a tune in a bucket. Wow, I have really rambled on. Enjoy the pictures and now that I have figured out how to get them off, I will get them on a little quicker.

I did it

slacker

I have all of these really cute pictures from Christmas, Mason's blessing, and New Years but for some reason my laptop is not reading my camera card so I can get the pictures off. I keep trying and then I get frustrated and give up without updating my blog. For some reason I have this mind block that I can't get past. I think that if I don't have a picture attached to an update it is somehow flawed and unworthy to be posted. I just think that everybody would much rather see pictures then listen to me ramble on about my worries, opinions, etc. It has been so long since I have updated it though that I am finally conceding and updating so everyone will realize and I not disappeared into some sort of "blog black hole." Anyway, I am working on getting the pictures loaded and will post them as soon as I can. I hope everyone is doing well.

random pics

I haven't been very good about getting new pictures on here. I keep trying to get mason to smile when I have the camera on him but right when I bring it in view, he becomes enthralled with the flash light and won't even pay attention to me. Here are some of my attempts. I have also posted a funny picture of Tylie hanging out in our room while I was getting ready the other day. Now, I know you are probably wondering why she is clinging to a blender; it is a legitimate question. To be honest I was wondering the same thing too. So I did what any mom would do, I asked her. When she replied I couldn't help but laugh. It was not so much what she said but how she said it. It is hard to portray a moment through writing (I try to leave that to my Journalist husband) but she said so matter-of-fact, like it was so common and shouldn't be questioned. I simply asked her why she was holding the blender and she said "Because mom, I can't find my doll." OH! GEEZ!!! What was I thinking??? Of course, it is only natural that she would get the blender. It's not like she has 50 other baby dolls in her toy room, or another 50 in her bedroom. That would be silly to get one of those. A blender is the obvious choice! ( I really hope you could sense my sarcasm in all that, I feel silly even putting this disclosure in here.) So, while other children are creating childhood memories with baby dolls and stuffed teddy bears, my daughter will continue her memories with a blender.