Summer is quickly slipping away. One part of me longs for time to slow down and wait for me to catch up. I want summer to stop until I can get back out in the sun again. Another part of me wants August to disappear and the calender to magically show that I made it to September. September 1st will be a calming day for me if I can make it. I will be 34 weeks at the point and the chance of the baby being healthy is good. So with this contradiction spinning in my head and me not able to do a thing about it, I lay here and stare at blank walls.
My family is wonderful and day after day they show up at my door and whisk my children off to family reunions, swimming pools, BBQs, birthday parties, weddings, and parades. I kiss their cheeks before they leave and eat their salt water taffy when they get home. I am glad that just because I have to miss out on summer that they don't have to but I can't help but feel jealous each time they skip out the door.
I think I have finally wrapped my mind around this. My baby is ok. I am ok. Nothing is life threatening at this point. I just have to lay down. I am starting to realize ( with Jake constant nagging in my ear ) that each day I am down is a day that my baby is not in the NICU. That knowledge does help me get through this. I would rather be down than burning up the highway between my house and a sick baby I have to leave in the hospital. I feel very blessed by all the prayers and service that have been offered in my behalf. It is humbling.
This is a summer that I will never forget but it is highly undocumented. Usually I would be out snapping pictures of all the fun activities we are doing. I would be organizing them neatly on my computer for my future blog book. As much as I want to immortalize this season with pictures, I just don't think that pictures of my walls are that appealing. I will just have to make up for lost time in the fall.
I hope all is well with the outside world. I hope you are all soaking in a little extra sun for me. I am 2 weeks down and 4 weeks to go. I will make it. September 1st will come. Unless the world ends on August 2nd and the US defaults on their loans. That could be the end of the world. But if not, I will continue to lay on my couch repeating my latest mantra... "This too shall pass."
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2 comments:
Ang, I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. Your posts are poignant and beautiful. You're an incredible woman and an inspiration to so many. Don't get discouraged. You're still in the ranks and are more dedicated than others - there aren't a lot of people who would continue to fight laying down. Keep your chin up! :o)
Hang in there cutie! You can do it. Grandpa and I will be down to see you soon. Think of something we can do for you.
Love ya.
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