We Did It!

I know, I know. Two blog entries in less than a week. I am really out doing myself now! Erica, you should be proud of me. Normally pulling off one entry a month is quite the accomplishment but so much is going on in our lives right now that I feel another entry is justified.

Jake just graduated from BYU last friday with his Bachelor's degree. As I sat there in the audience watching him walk across the stage I could not help but beam with pride as tears filled my eyes. I try to blame all of the emotion on my pregnancy but, let's be honest, I would probably have tears running down my face if I was completely hormonally balanced. I just can't help myself. I thought about everything it took to get to that moment and it brings back a rush of memories. I remember the long nights of staying up with Jake, right after we got married, discussing if the move to California was really the right thing for us. I remember going with Jake for the first time to the campus at LACC and sitting under a palm tree waiting for him as he was taking a placement test to start school. I remember the excitement that I felt when we got the letter from BYU that he had been accepted and received a scholarship for his good grades. And finally reflecting about the late nights that he stayed up, long after Tylie and I had gone to bed, studying because he wasn't able to get his homework done that day because he was playing with Tylie and trying to maintain being a dad and a husband. I can't help but pat myself on the back for the great choice that I made the day that Jake proposed on the beach 5 years ago. He has guided our family with such determination that when I question, he moves forward without hesitance. I used to look at people that didn't have to go through the "school" experience when they got married and I was jealous. I was jealous because I thought that it would be so much easier is Jake already had his degree when we got married and we could get on with life. What an idiot I was then. I would not trade these experiences for the world. This was our way of "getting on with life." We learned how to lean on eachother, how to trust eachother, and how to work together to make even the craziest situations work out. Somehow we threw a daughter in the mix two years ago and things continue to flow as they should. I have to chuckle at myself because as I write this, it sounds like I am bidding the school life goodbye and moving to the next stage. Hahaha! I have only just begun. I have a feeling that the bachelor's degree with look like a game of "chutes and ladders" compared to law school. I know that law school will be difficult and we will struggle far worse then we have already had to. All I can say is "Bring it on!" But by the way I was in his graduation last week, those poor soles in law school graduation three years from now better bring their life jackets and paddles. I will flood the place out!

Being Young

My parents have over an acre of property and so with this acre, they get a water share (irrigation) to water that property with. I remember growing up with my dad and mom flooding our entire yard once a week in the summer so they wouldn't have to water until the following week. This was one of the highlights of my summer because it was like one giant acre sized swimming pool every week. The ditches were especially fun because they were deep enough that we could completely submerge our bodies and swim up and down them like a lap pool. Now, I know that this all sounds like fun and games but for those of you who do not know what irrigation water entails, let me just tell you that not even a petri dish the size of Texas could hold all of the germs and diseases that festered in that water. I remember on numerous occasions dodging a cow pie or sheep "droppings" as they floated by. Back then I just figured as long as I did not touch them, I had nothing to worry about. Now that I have officially grossed everyone out, let me get to my point. A short time ago we were up at my mom's house when the irrigation came in. Tylie immediately took on the mentality that I had so long ago and when bounding right into that nasty cess pool. Being her mom, I naturally freaked out. I tried to stop her but what do I do when Jake rips off his shoes and starts dancing in it with her? Before I knew it, my little girl was stripped down to her panties, sopping wet, and treating the grass like one giant slip and slide. All I could do was sit on the porch and picture the round of vaccinations the doctor was going to have to administer to save her from this experience. My mom sat there and laughed like there was nothing wrong in the world. Well, what did I expect. She was crazy enough to let all of us romp around in that nasty water, why would she stop with her granddaughter? Then she calmly reminded me of an experience that my sister Brittany had a short time ago in one of her college classes. Brittany is going into the medical field and one day her teacher was talking about immune systems and how they work. She questioned the class about how often they got sick and asked them to raise thier hands accordingly. Brittany was one of the very few that got to raise her hand that she rarely got sick. Her teacher then asked if any of them had grown up on a farm. Brittany stated that she had and then recited some of her experiences, one of which included our regular swims in the irrigation. Her teacher told her that because she was exposed to germs early on in her life, her body was able to build up a strong immune system and that is why she does not get sick very often. Now, I am certainly not suggesting that every one should go out and start finding cow pies to play frisbee with but I have to check myself every once in a while. I have to remember that it is ok for Tylie to get a little dirty sometimes and she is going to go through some experiences that I might freak out about but it is really ok. I used to fault my mom and tell her that she should have been more careful with us. Sometimes I look back on my childhood and wonder how it is that I am still alive to reflect on those experiences. Sorry mom! I now understand that you were just letting us be kids and enjoy our childhood while it lasted. Besides, how boring would family reunions be if we could not all sit around a table and bring up those stories and laugh until our stomachs hurt?

Enjoy the ride

Tylie has really gotten into singing and dancing lately. It is not unusual for me to walk into her room and hear her singing "I love to see the temple" to herself or dancing to the credits of her favorite cartoons. As a mom, it is hard to get ready in the morning because Tylie wakes up and wants to play. I have found that I can turn on CMT in the morning and Tylie will dance to the music videos while I finish getting ready. There is this song out right now about a girl that is anxious to move on to the next phase in life and her parents keep telling her to slow down and enjoy the time that she has. The main lines in the chorus is "Your gonna miss this, your gonna want this back, your gonna wish these days didn't go by so fast." I have heard this song a million times but yesterday it hit me. I stopped for a minute and watched Ty as she was dancing all over my living room and begging me to watch her. I looked around my messy house and grinned at all the toys strewn across the floor and Jake's school books blanketing my kitchen table. Usually at this moment in my day, I would sigh at what a mess it was and tally up in my head how long it is going to take me to get everything cleaned up, Tylie dressed, and get myself off to work at a reasonable time. Yesterday was different though. I am going to miss this. I am going to miss everything about this time in my life. My one regret about California is that I didn't fully enjoy the time that I was there. It was always in the back of my mind that we would eventually move back to Utah and I was just biding my time in that moment came. With law school coming up I find myself in the same mind set. Looking ahead of what's to come but not looking around and enjoying the moment that I am in. As I type this, Tylie is lying on my chest with a clump of my hair in her hand. She is gently stroking my hair across her face as she does every night right before she fades off to sleep. How can I not just pray for this to never end? I am going to miss these times, I don't doubt that. I just hope that I revel in these moments enough that I won't regret them when they are gone.

No more self pity for me!!!

I am six months along in my pregnancy and the "weight" of the situation is really starting to kick in. I have really stuggled with this baby because it has been so different from my first. With Tylie, I never had to even buy maternity clothing. I carried her so high that all of my clothes were able to pull over her and all I had to deal with was a few stretched out shirts in the end. This one on the other hand has me in maternity clothes at 5 months and I feel like I am carrying him everywhere! I look down at my stomach and wonder if the doctor did not make a mistake on my due date. I feel I should be delivering in a couple of weeks. I know that many people out there think that being pregnant is beautiful and you have a "glow" that you would not have any other time. I just cannot seem to grasp this concept. Everytime I look in the mirror, "beautiful" is far from the first thing that comes to my mind. I have been feeling sorry for myself because I feel huge and it seems like baby boys run big in the Hancock side of the family. Jake has reminded me on several occasions that both him and his dad were well over 10 pounds when they were born. A short time ago Jake's grandma was up visiting from Arizona and I was able to sit down and talk to her for a while. Now, this woman is nothing short of a miracle in my eyes. Not only did she have 14 children and managed to raise them all to be productive adults, she talks about her child rearing years like they were no big deal and she would have been bored if she didn't have 14 little ones to chase around. Jake's grandpa died over 10 years ago and so the conversation often wonders to him and what he was like and how much she misses him. She sat there for about 2 hours telling Jake and I stories about life "back then". She recited memories of Jake's grandpa tearing his leg wide open, walking in the house and pouring table salt in the wound, wrapping it up, and heading back out the door to finish the chores. WHAT!!!!!! I hear these stories and wonder why it is I have to whine to Jake when I have a canker sore and he talks me into sprinkling some salt on it to heal it. Then I look to my side of the family and look at my grandpa who is well over 80 but could beat me in a foot race any day of the week. My grandpa grew up in conditions that most people would call child services on today because he had to share a room, and bed, with all his brothers just to stay warm at night. He got a job at a very young age earning nothing more then a dime caring for the cemetery in his town. He did this because his family needed help and that was a way he could contribute. I hear all of these things and I can't help but feel guilty that I am whining about it being over 78 degrees in my house and how I hate to in the mirror because my stomach is sticking out at every angle known to man. So, here I am. I am going to do better and not take for granted everything I enjoy on a daily basis. I want to be able to brag to my grandkids about how I had to share a room with my sister my whole life and how my parents expected me to get a job to pay for my first car. I want them to hear my "good ole days" stories and really admire me for my attitude and how I took life for what it was and enjoyed the ride all along the way.

A BOY!!!

Five months has flown by and last Thursday I found myself walking into the hospital to get the infamous 20 week ultrasound. Now, Brittany has explained to me many times that they look for all sorts of things when they do this ultrasound but let's be honest- all I really want to know is one thing, boy or girl??? I have had several coworkers encourage me not to find out, they try to convince me that it will be funner that way. YEAH RIGHT!!! I am not one of those people that have the patience or tolerance to wait. I lose a sense of control if I don't know and I just can't handle that. The many weeks that preceeded this visit had many thoughts running through my head. I want a boy simply because I already have a girl and I would love to have a boy for Jake to wrestle with and do whatever it is that boys do. BUT- I love having a girl!!! She is so much fun to dress up and it is a comfort level for me. I have a girl so I know what to expect. I have been there so I wouldn't have any surprises. I wish I had that mothers instinct that everyone talks about and could sense that gender of the baby but I don't. I had no clue. I had decided that I would be happy either way (obviously) but I would like to have a boy just to have the pressure off. As I watched the girl do my ultrasound I started to get nervous. My mind started spinning and I started having second thoughts about the whole thing. And then she said it- A BOY! OH CRAP! I don't know what to do with a boy. I looked over and saw Jake beaming like a kid at Christmas but my heart started thumping and I found myself hoping that she saw it wrong. I am afraid of boys. I don't have anything for a boy- everything I own for a baby is pink! Now that it is 4 days later, my breathing has adjusted and I am ok again. I am going to chalk up my roller coaster emotions to the pregnancy but right now I am feeling good about having a boy. I didn't have a clue what to do with Tylie but I have been ok. It will be the same with this one. Now I just have one more problem- a name. This is one thing that Jake and I cannot seem to agree on. I have 4 months- let's see what we can come up with.

The things we give up as parents

I remember the days before I got married. The days that I lived with 3 other girls and we came and did as we pleased when we pleased. I didn't have to answer to anyone and nobody had to answer to me. This was a true sense of freedom. I gladly gave up this freedom to marry Jake 4 years ago. Things didn't change much. I was still able to do as I pleased but now I was often with the person I wanted to do things with. What a concept, living with your best friend! It was awsome living in California. Jake and I got to hang out with friends, go to amusement parks, and then we just got to go home together. I didn't ever have to say goodbye. And then......... Tylie enters the scene. Today was Jake's birthday and Tylie and I made him a cake as we usually do. Tylie seemed to struggle with this birthday though. It has been 3 months since tylie's birthday but she still thinks that anytime cake and balloons are present, it is HER birthday again. She couldn't comprehend that Jake could have a birthday to. She kept telling me it was her birthday and she would sporadically break out singing "Happy Birthday" to herself. When it came to cake time I kept trying to tell her that it was daddy's cake and not hers. But, my husband being the wonderful father that he is, lifted her up on his lap and let her blow out all of his candles. Tylie has taken over everything and nothing is our own anymore. Not even something as personal as a birthday is ours anymore. But I can, on the other hand, think of numerous times that we lie there and talk about all the funny and cute things that tylie did that day. I can't imagine our life without that crazy little girl. It is true that she turned our world upside down the day that she came into this world. She changed us individually as well as a couple. But I have never regretted a day of it. Tylie will continue to take everything that we have and we will continue to gladly give her all we got. It seems strange that as a human I can give everything I have and never feel resentment towards her. It is times like this that I recognize Heavenly Father in my life. Only divinity can cause parents to feel the way they do towards their children!

Any Suggestions???

I am not one of those lucky women that don't have to deal with morning sickness and sail right through the first 3 months. No, no- I am one of those women who have "all day sickness" instead of "morning sickness" so I am really taken down for a while when I get pregnant. I have moved past all of that but I am afraid a residue remains that I am not quite sure how to fix. Tylie had to learn that I was sick for that time and was not able to play with her like I normally did. I tried to explian to her that the "baby" was trying to grow and it was making mommy sick. Well, this backfired on me in a way that I would have never imagined. The other day, I got home from work and was laying on the couch for a minute before I got up to make dinner. Tylie walked over and said "mommy, what doing?". I told her that I just needed to take a rest for minute. Then she proceeded to lift up my shirt, get a mean look on her face, and said "Baby naughty, I pinch baby." She attacked my stomach and kept repeating that she needed to pinch the baby. Now whenever I lay down for a minute she thinks that the baby is making me sick and she needs to get mad at the baby. She has gone so far now and biting my stomach and telling me "I bite baby!" Now, at first this is funny but I am worried that she is going to have a mean attitude with the baby when the baby is born. Jake's sister recently had a baby and Tylie was over visiting them the other day. Jake said that she loves to hold the baby and is really cute with him. I hope this is how she will be but I can't help but be nervous. Any suggestions??? How do I fix this?