Reflection

Today was fast and testimony meeting in church and I felt like I wanted to stand and share my feelings but I am ashamed to say that I let time tick away and I never got up. I do want to share some of my feelings though because I get strength when I can publicly express things. This past year has brought many changes and will bring many more changes as the year progresses. With a change in careers, Jake graduating from BYU and starting his new career, and a new baby in the way (yes, we are expecting in October), our lives are going to change yet again. Usually I am the type the resists change at all costs but as all these new events gradually approach, I am strangly calm about it all. I find myself not worried or stressed even though our world is about to be turned upside down. As I reflect on my feelings, I realize that I have finally learned a lesson that my Father in Heaven has been trying to teach me for a long time.When Jake and I got married my mouth was full of cankers from all of the stress and uncertainty I was feeling. I was unsure of what the future would hold and I struggled because I was used to being very much in control with what I did with my own life. All of these feeling returned few months later as Jake and I left everything behind and moved to California to a new life. We didn't have a job or any income, we weren't for sure where Jake was going to go to school, we found an apartment and finalized everything just a few days before we left, and we did not know a soul in the place that we were moving to. A leap of faith is a very mild description for what we were doing. But as I have mentioned before, Jake felt that this was the right move for us so I reluctantly followed. And yet again, change came for me when Tylie was born, Jake graduated from LACC, and we moved back to Utah to buy a home and start school at BYU. All of these times I felt like my life was spinning out of control and I was just praying for a miracle that somehow it would all turn out ok. It is so evident to me how the Lord was with us through all of these times and looking at it from hindsight, I feel foolish for stressing the way I did. All of those times, things worked out just as they should and I gained experiences through those trials that I wouldn't trade for anything. As I sit here writing this with tears streaming down my face, I can say that I am so grateful that I can see now what I didn't see then. And I know that I don't have to worry about the changes that are approaching. The Lord will, as he has everytime before, watch over my little family and we will end up right where we are supposed to be, right where He wants us. It is such a comfort to know that in those times that I don't know where the road will turn next, that I can place my family in the hands of the Lord and he will guide us where we need to go. I am often a very stubborn person who takes a long time to learn things but I have finally learned this. No need to stress, place yourself in the hands of the Lord and he will take care of the rest.